This week has literally flown by- even with being tired much of the time, the days just slipped away. For many reasons, I don't want Monday to come- but at the same time, I need it to come very badly. I think I spend so much time worrying about the outcome and having it loom over our heads that it will be a relief for some type of resolution to this whole matter. I mean it has been a year and a half already, and the whole time spent counting down to the next date. Oh, only a month left... three weeks, two weeks, one week, then days, then hours. Always thinking this might be the last time we do this in a long time... for every activity. Feeling guilty because sometimes I wished for this very thing...him not to be around for awhile. It will be harder in a lot of ways, but easier too. Not exactly a relief, but in some ways exactly that.

He is a different person now, and I wish that counted for something. Not that he is a ball of sunshine- but he is a loving father and still improving every day.